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Turning 40, motherhood, runningArchive for Life
40 things to do the year I turn 40
I read about this idea in someone else’s blog. I thought it was clever but then I googled it and found it’s kind of cliche maybe. I still want to make a list to cross out over the next 12 months. It may take a while to compile though but I am making myself have to have it all written down by next week. I want it to be honest and challenging but also attainable. Also I have to want to do it- example: I saw “get a tatoo” on a few of them but I don’t want one. I doubt many things will be “biggies” (though my husband might think a vasectomy reversal and another child is a good idea, I do not!) and some may be downright fluffy, but that’s okay. There is no particular order to it either.
1. train for and run a road race again and not worry if it’s slower than my old times (sept 21!)
(it’s been 5 years). After that, run a 10k under 40 and go from there…..
2. get a mammogram
3. go away with my husband without children (even a weekend counts)
4. wash my car My husband did it for me, does this count? Perhaps not. There are 12 months less two days left in my year so I should probably do this again.
5. take the time to learn how to do things at wordpress
6. swim two lengths of the pool at our local community centre (this will involve some lessons)
7. form a female friendship (I’m not good at this being the introvert/loner that I am, yet I am feeling a void there as I get older and have things I want to discuss with someone my own age)
8. wear high heels
9. full time work for this year (no TOC-ing!!!) Done- the day before my birthday I got a new job
10. get finances organized (may happen yet-see number 9)
11. begin working on coaching levels for track and field
12. believe in myself
13. Visit a new a new place (in July we did take the kids to SF but I guess that won’t count) We are planning NY for 2010 so 2009 will have to be a little more economical.
14. super fast Grouse Grind
15. take a course (towards my TL cert?)
16. get a new camera and learn to use it
17. coach XC
18. work on coaching levels for track and field
19. go on dates with hubby
Endorphins and creativity
When I run my head fills with remarkable ideas and insights which beg to be transferred to paper and admired. As my feet carry me along the river, and then up into the undulating paths of the forest, I contemplate, among other things, the richness of my life. My thoughts are unfailingly upbeat and inspired, maybe evidence of the endorphins we have heard so much about, yet they’re frustratingly ephemeral as once my shower is done and my tea has brewed, they have mostly flown away. I am left with only short bullets of what were once entire cerebral paragraphs. Thoughts on the nature of time and life, parenthood, motherhood, the mother-daughter relationship, the desire to follow my dreams, the joy of running, the pleasure of solitude, the merits of company, my relative youth, my relative lack of youth- all but gone. Maybe if I didn’t shower and brew tea but rather kept a notebook at the ready and simply dashed it all down while it still simmered. I worry, though, that these creative morsels are linked almost entirely with the physicality of my running and that they actually fall away with my last footfall. This means that all my brilliance will be unrealized existing only for my self approbation.
fifteen days…
I have 15 days left in my thirties, but it’s all good. I’m starting to like the sound of the word ”forty”. It sounds tidy and solid. I haven’t planned how I will celebrate. I really don’t know. I definitely do not want a party. I am too much of an introvert to enjoy that. Everyone I know has been warned. Is having the birthday girl burst into tears and run in the other direction a desirable reaction after the guests yell “surprise”? I think a nice dinner with the hubby will suffice. Maybe start the day with a great run. Maybe a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. I feel like looking on this as New Year’s Day. What resolutions can I make? Not for the coming year alone but for my future in general. One biggie is to get my finances in order. The other is career related but that is another big can of worms. One is about becoming more involved socially. Maybe drop in on the local running club once a week. Maybe try and train (hamstring willing!) for a race. There are more. I shall muse on this.
On another note we had a great hike yesterday. Not super long but a lovely destination and the kids had a blast playing in a lovely cold river.
Forty is coming fast
The big day approaches. I really only have a few weeks left as a woman in her late thirties. Despite all I thought I was, (confident and wise) I am fairly apprehensive about how I am going to handle it when those numbers flip over to this big milestone decade. I am doing all the cliche “taking stock”, questioning my life’s direction, feeling time’s squeeze etc. Of course I want to age. Who doesn’t? Really, aging is the goal. Let’s make this life long and good. N’s 16th birthday was an emotional day for me. Along those same taking stock lines. I’ve been a mom for 16 years, yet just yesterday I was 16 myself. Though the kids can’t believe it. Teaching N to drive elicited this “It was easier for you to learn to drive because there weren’t as many cars on the road”. In actual terms this may be so, but what is he picturing? Long stretches of empty dirt roads with the occasional Model T rumbling slowly by? Oh to be 16 again. The look of delight on his face when he passed that learner’s test formed a lump in my throat. Though, admittedly, many things seemt to bring me close to tears these days. Can you imagine being on the threshold of life? I sound like a 90 year old here! But that’s how he is. High school, good looking kid, smart, learning to drive. It’s all ahead for him. So much to come. Of course I had some pretty bleak years in there I would not want to repeat. But if I had it to do over again……. Ah, that’s really what it’s all about isn’t it? Anyway, it’s all good. Summer isn’t yet halfway over and there is fun to be had.
