Weblog
Turning 40, motherhood, runningArchive for July, 2008
More running
I want to want to run fast again. I used to be reasonably fast for a busy mother of three, but a severe running related injury nearly five years ago has caused me chronic problems. So that is a part of it, but I have also lost my drive and desire. Perhaps that is a part of my life that is done and I should not try to get it back, but how do I know? Maybe one more kick at the can would be incredibly fulfilling. There is nothing like the feeling after a great track workout. Blasting off some great 400s or 800s or km repeats produces a high that is difficult to replicate in a clean living way. I do plug away, several times a week, darting around my neighborhood and nearby trails, but there is no goal, no actual “training”. How to get that back though?
Going out
My husband and I saw Spamalot last night. It was very entertaining, lighthearted, good fun. Jolly good. I had my hair cut and styled just before. It was kind of a coincidence as I am not the type of person to get my hair done for an occasion. Anyway, I looked very, very different. Almost like a different person. It was similar to one of those before and after makeover shows. I was the “woman who makes little effort” to “wow”. An example of the change, and it is a little embarrassing, is that my family went crazy. They dragged themselves away from Wii and Facebook and whatever else and marvelled. Is this really our mother? I swear my daughter seemed to love me more. Perhaps my who cares attitude distresses her- she who is apparently in possession of some girly-girl genetic material from I don’t know where. She was so happy to help me with my dress, clasp my necklace, touch my hair, pick out a lip gloss. Finally she got to have a mother-daughter experience that she’s really been craving. She has a little friend with a va-va-va-voom mother. A “tight skirt, mani-pedi, full face of make-up, flowing hair, breast implant” (last descriptor not necessary and kind of mean) mother. She even talks like Jessica Rabbit. I know she thinks this woman is wonderful. The getting ready for Spamalot experience has taught me a couple of things. One, I need to buy a flat iron. Two, I need to be more active in nurturing who she is and having a little fun with it, so she finds some moderation.
Forty is coming fast
The big day approaches. I really only have a few weeks left as a woman in her late thirties. Despite all I thought I was, (confident and wise) I am fairly apprehensive about how I am going to handle it when those numbers flip over to this big milestone decade. I am doing all the cliche “taking stock”, questioning my life’s direction, feeling time’s squeeze etc. Of course I want to age. Who doesn’t? Really, aging is the goal. Let’s make this life long and good. N’s 16th birthday was an emotional day for me. Along those same taking stock lines. I’ve been a mom for 16 years, yet just yesterday I was 16 myself. Though the kids can’t believe it. Teaching N to drive elicited this “It was easier for you to learn to drive because there weren’t as many cars on the road”. In actual terms this may be so, but what is he picturing? Long stretches of empty dirt roads with the occasional Model T rumbling slowly by? Oh to be 16 again. The look of delight on his face when he passed that learner’s test formed a lump in my throat. Though, admittedly, many things seemt to bring me close to tears these days. Can you imagine being on the threshold of life? I sound like a 90 year old here! But that’s how he is. High school, good looking kid, smart, learning to drive. It’s all ahead for him. So much to come. Of course I had some pretty bleak years in there I would not want to repeat. But if I had it to do over again……. Ah, that’s really what it’s all about isn’t it? Anyway, it’s all good. Summer isn’t yet halfway over and there is fun to be had.
